Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Blizzard!

Wow. We're up to about a foot of snow in places now. It's nearly white-out conditions out there. I just went for a walk along the hilltop, and I had to run back inside and grab my ski goggles just to be able to see. So, naturally, I went back out into the blizzard and climbed the hill next to my appartment.

It was awesome. The wind was strong enough that I could lean forward into it and not fall down. I got bumped around a bit on the hilltop, but it was so cool to lean in to the snow and wind over the edge of the drop and not be able to see the ground below... not because it was far down, but because the snow-ice-wind mix was so dense.

It was about at that point when I realized that I wasn't wearing any long underwear, and my legs were starting to freeze. So, I decided I would hike back down to my nice and toasty appartment and defrost. On my way back, the snow was up to my knees in some places.

Dang.

That was freakin' fun!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The First Thing I Dream Of...

The sun shall be no more your light by day,
nor for brightness shall the moon give you light;
but the Lord will be your glory.

Your sun shall no more go down,
nor your moon withdraw itself;
for the Lord will be your everlasting light,
and your days of mourning shall be ended.

Your people shall all be righteous;
they shall possess the land forever,
the branch of my planting, the work of my hands,
that I may be glorified.

The least one shall become a clan,
and the smallest one a mighty nation;
I am the Lord;
in its time I will hasten it.

Isaiah 60: 19-22
English Standard Version

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,

"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."

Revelation 21:3-5a
English Standard Version


That is the first thing I dream of.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Insomnia

I just can't get my mind to shut down.

I hate it when this happens.

The reticular activating system in my brain is pumping tons of juice from the medulla up to my higher cortical areas, producing an excessive stimulation in the prefrontal cortex, whereas my limbic system is screaming at me that my body needs to rest. The result: Exhaustion, yet the inability to deactivate my higher brain functions. In layterms, insomnia.

Probable cause? Caffeine-induced stimulation of the RAS, resulting in the excessive stimulation of the higher cortical areas.

Treatment? Patience and indulgence. Patience for the effect to wear out. Indulgence of the over-stimulation, in this case, by writing about it.

Well, caffeine may only be ONE reason I'm having trouble sleeping.

It's been a long semester, and it's finally almost over. Just a few more yards to the finish line, and then it's over.

Then I can rest.

For a while.

But for now I will lay down and sleep here, surrounded by my little plastic monsters, haunted by images of the thousands of things that have yet to be done.

Has anyone ever asked you what your dreams are? You know, the part where you answer them by saying you've always wanted to be a rock star or a famous actor or something else cookie-cutter, mundane, and horribly solipsistic? The thing that so many young people piss their lives away while chasing after, yet never really get hold of? Yeah, that thing... that dream thing?

You wanna know what my answer is?

I dream of two things.

Here's the second one.

I want to be completely alone.

Asleep.

At peace.

With a still, silent mind.

No thoughts.

No dreams.

Just silence.

Blessed, beautiful, tranquil silence.

No thought. No sensation. Just peace.

That's what I dream of. A deep, restful, dreamless sleep.

"Oh, what a boring and bland answer!"

It's only boring to you, then. You obviously take for granted something I don't often get the chance to enjoy.

No, caffeine isn't the only reason I have trouble sleeping. It just exacerbates the problem every now and then.

Sometimes it's like having a T.V. on in your head that you just can't shut off. You wish you could, but you just can't stop watching no matter how badly you want to.

You feel like you're dreaming when you're awake, and you're always wide awake when you want to be asleep. And there is never any silence. Ever.

Insomnia.

Caused by... well... you know what.

I always wondered why they called it a "deficit"... it seems more like an "overabundance" to me sometimes. Like I can't help but pay attention to absolutely everything.

But that's just a fact of life for me. The constant processing, that is. No, it's never quiet in here. It never has been.

I long to find out what silence is like.

But remember, that's just the second thing I dream about...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

More progress in discussing progress

This is a post in response to a comment that Hombreguapo made a few weeks back...

Hombre - good point, but think about to what extent America still struggles with race issues. It's not an open and shut case.

In cases where something very good and valuable occurs, like the civil rights movement, human nature's natural response is to do one or both of two things:

1. Suppress it.

2. Pervert it.

While great good has come from the civil rights movement, many still resist it and many more pervert it into an excuse for what is called "reverse racism." This is, of course, not to say that good hasn't come from the civil rights movement: it undoubtedly has produced good. But human nature has not changed.

Again, even pursuing tolerance can have some benefits, but in the long run, human beings are still inherently evil (Romans 3, Jeremiah 17:9). This is not to say that we are incapable of doing good: As beings that bear the image of God, the possibility to do good still exists.

But at the core of our beings, we are not good people. "If we say we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar," as I John chapter 1 tells us. And, on top of that, even our efforts to do good are inherently flawed. As Isaiah says, "all your righteous deeds are like filthy rags."

From the world's standpoint, our progress towards being a more "open" and "tolerant" and "enlightened" humanity ought to be our primary goal. But we aren't becoming more "open" or "tolerant" or "enlightened" as a whole. Instead, we're more closed minded, more intolerant, and more stupid than we realize.

Why is there more violent crime today than there was 30 years ago? Why more fear? More distrust between neighbors? More explicit sexual content available to more people in more ways than ever before? These are not the problems... just symptoms.

Jeremiah 17:9 says, "the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it?"

So, with such a great lack of faith in human kind, where does that leave me? Cynicism? Not quite. I have absolutely no faith in humanity to improve itself and solve its own problems.

But that doesn't mean I have no hope.

I take great comfort in the promise of Romans 8:28 - "God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose."

As my old roommate Knarf and I once concluded, "evil is God's whipping boy." Horrible, evil things are done by mankind. But in the end, God takes those things and uses them ultimately for good in spite of the fact that they're evil.

Common Grace, as the theologians call it, facilitates good in society. Furthermore, the purpose of the Church is to be a salt and a light in the world and to be an influence for good... more specifically, to "love one another as [Christ] has loved us," encouraging and reminding us that "there is no greater love than this, that a man lays down his life for his friend."

The salvific grace of God acting upon our lives means that we, as believers, have a special duty to be light in a world so utterly devoured by and in love with darkness. It's a difficult fight, but we are drawn to it inexorably. We must obey His commands. Out of obligation or mercenary reward? Hell, no. Out of pure gratitude for what He has given us. He did, after all, die for us while we were still monsters. And he uses us for good in spite of the fact of our own abominable natures.

No, the progress we've made from a purely human standpoint hasn't been towards anything barely resembling a better, more tolerant society. Instead, by God's grace, good men and women have stood against the most monstrous aspects of what we are, and have done wonders to remind us of the inherent value of each and every human life. Is this progress? No. I think that's the wrong word for it. In such a situation, we're not marching towards something new and better. Instead, we're trying to gain back something we once had, but lost in the Garden. I think it's better to call such a thing "remembering" instead. That is, after all, what we seem to have trouble with the most when it comes to these things. Remembering the value of another human being... remembering to discern right from wrong in difficult situations... remembering to call your parents once a week to see how they're doing... remembering to love the Lord with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength... remembering to love your neighbor as yourself...

Anonymity: Aftermath

Well, our spirited little talk on anonymity has resulted in a few consequences/changes that I'm sure you've been aware of around here and on other members of our little blog ring. My very wise brother has implemented a nifty little device called "comment moderating" that allows him to approve comments before they are posted. To avoid further anonymity breeches, I have also enabled that handy device, meaning that I now control ALL of the content that will be posted in the comments section, and can guarantee there will be no more "slips of the tongue," so to speak.

This does NOT mean that I can edit your comments and what not... so strive to keep them devoid of real names. It does mean, however, that if posts do contain real names, THEY WILL NEVER BE POSTED. PERIOD. Bear this in mind as you go about making comments from now on... ;)

In less logistical news, I have received several requests for pictures of the great pacific northwest (and one outright demand that I get a digital camera from the aforementioned brother). Very well. I'm going to put that at the top of my list of things to get for Christmas. ;)

My advisor's here... more to come later...

Monday, November 07, 2005

Congratulations, Bugsy and BoBo!

My sister is getting married. :)

And, it's to a good friend of mine. I'm quite happy. When I heard the news, I did my best Eric Cartman impression: "Yeeeesssssss! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss! I'm soooooooooooo happy!"

You know, from the episode when he finally gets a million dollars and buys his own amusement park to keep everyone else out of it?

Anyway, congratulations, you guys. This is freakin' awesome.


And for pete's sake, DON'T have the wedding in Lawrence!

(Not that it's up to me, but that's just what I think!)

I love you both, and I can't wait for BoBo to be a "brother" of mine. :)

Oh, and now for a public service announcement:

DAD, for crying out loud, STOP CALLING US BY NAME IN THE COMMENTS SECTIONS OF OUR BLOGS! I love you, but you've been the worst offender for this! You write such wonderful things, and it's a shame to keep deleting them!

As for news from the Pacific Northwest:

Busiest. Week. Ever. Last week, that is. I'm exhausted. Things have slown down a bit this week, but only deceptively so. I still have oodles of reading to do, a test to grade, copies to make, videos to cue, experiments to run, and precious little time to do it all in! We have a major ethics project on the horizon, plus a large assignment to finish up.

I'm glad I had some free time this weekend, because if I didn't I think I would have lost my mind. I am learning the truth of what Jesus said first hand, "The sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath." God commanded us to take a day of rest for a very good reason... WE FREAKIN' NEED IT.

Only this past weekend did I get a chance to sink my teeth in to a few good horror movies. I couldn't on Halloween itself due to the physio test I had that week. But, oh, did it ever feel good to sit down and enjoy a good scary movie. The one I wound up watching was "Saw". I liked it so much that I ran out and bought it the next day. Good stuff... but definately a little on the grisly side. But stuff like that tends not to bother me as much as it does others, so I was able to get past it and see the point beneath it all. And what is the point, you ask? Let's just say that it's a very "life-affirming" movie. ;)

It's started to get dark out here at 4:00. Yes, I said 4:00. It's pitch black by 5:00 p.m. The sun still rises around 6:45, but from what I understand, that will change soon. On top of the darkness, it rains all the time. Glad I bought some multivitamins to get my daily reccomended value of Vitamin-D in the stark absence of sunlight! Funny thing, though, is that I kind of like it.

It snowed recently up on Moscow mountain, and the Blue mountains in the distance show some white dusting on their peaks. You can see them all on the hilltop that I live on, rolling off into the distance. The Fall is amazing out here... paradoxically, as snow caps the mountains, the Palouse is starting to turn green again with all the fresh rain. Farmers have sewn some sort of crop that grows well out here in the cold and the wetness. I'm guessing it's a type of wheat they engineered out here at the University (yes, they actually do that kind of research here), but I'm not sure.

But I do know that the boiling grey sky and the rolling green hills with the snow-capped mountains in the distance make for a striking visual scene.

It makes me wonder if this is what Eden looked like...