These are some questions that I'm only asked every once in a while, and a few that I'm not ever actually asked at all.
1.
You really don't think all people are evil, do you? I mean, how can you have absolutely no faith in humankind?Of course I don't. The price of sanity in a world like this is that you have to square up to some awful truths, one of them being that people are not inherently good. I have absolutely zero faith in humankind to work through their own problems. My belief in God has helped me come to terms with this belief, as it is not an easy one to hold all the time. Do I think people are capable of doing good? Certainly. Do I believe that people are evil all the time? Sort of.
2.
Wait, so if you don't think people are good, who are you to say that? Do you think you're better than other people?Nope. I'm just as warped, sick, twisted, perverted, and evil as any other person on this planet. I believe that we need to come to terms with it and move on. As a matter of fact, I don't think you can genuinely start to do good in this world until you confront the fact that people aren't good. Once that's done, I think it becomes easier to see the hand of God at work in the world.
3.
I'm really not comfortable with you thinking I'm not a good person.Well, I don't. Deal with it.
4.
I'm going to go cry now.You do that. See if I care. Seriously, I'll sick the evil clowns on you.
5.
What do you think about the possibility of being able to stop time in order to get more work done in a day?I think it would be a fantastic idea, but it would present a few problems. Seeing as we cannot really stop time (which would require more energy than is likely present in this universe - suffice to say, it would be an incalculable amount), the best we could settle for is the ability to move at the speed of light. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, a person moving at light speed would perceive the rest of the world moving around him as going very, very, very slowly. So slowly, in fact, that it would seem that things had come to a complete standstill. Some very small changes in the environment over time would be the only indication that any movement was occurring at all.
While this would seem like a good solution, it presents its own unique problems. First of all, interacting with common objects would be incredibly hazardous. The amount of friction generated by a person moving at the speed of light coming in to contact with a surface that was not also moving at that same speed would most likely generate enough heat to vaporize whatever object they touched. This would completely eliminate the possibility of getting any work done at all, as you would just torch whatever - and whomever - you came into physical contact with.
In addition to the vast amounts of heat generated by friction, the sheer force of a person grabbing and moving a common static object at the speed of light would be enough to rip even the most basic objects apart with ease. Something as simple as plopping down on the couch could completely crush it.
Finally, there's the even bigger problem of the rate of gas diffusion. As we've already discussed, being active in an environment while moving at light speeds would be extremely dangerous to objects and other persons in the environment. So, what about "jumping to light speed" while already lying down on the couch to take a nap? Not even that would be a viable option for the simple fact that you would need to breathe. Inhaling and exhaling at light speed would produce massive amounts of carbon dioxide that would not necessarily have time to diffuse into the atmosphere enough to keep the air immediately around your head from becoming toxic. Falling asleep on the couch while moving at light speed, in fact, could be a death sentence. In order to obtain fresh gases without having to wait on the air to naturally diffuse the carbon dioxide away would require movement, and lots of it.
So, therefore, while the idea may seem appealing, it would probably just turn out to be a massive disaster. And this isn't even bringing up the issues of the impact such rapid movement would have on your metabolism, on the basic effects of the friction and force upon your limbs, and the even more dreadful "World full of statues" effect.
6
. Um... what's the "World Full of Statues" effect?
The comic book writer Alan Moore once commented on the frustration The Flash must face on a daily basis. Here's a person who moves so quickly that if he gets going fast enough, he is able to actually see in to other dimensions that are moving faster than the eye can perceive. And moving at that speed is his natural state. Think about this for a minute: he has to slow down, almost to a molasses-like crawl by his standards, just to experience the things we see every day. To him, we're a world of statues that periodically move, and if he slows himself down enough, he can actually interact with us. Can you imagine how frustrating that must be, to have to speak ultra-slowly to everyone, to have to stand still for what may seem like days, even months, just to be seen by another human being
? That is the "World Full of Statues" effect. By that reasoning, The Flash had to be the loneliest superhero alive, never really able to interact on an equal level with anyone.
7.
Wow. That makes me kind of want to give the Flash a hug or buy him a "Sorry you move faster than everyone and are so lonely" Hallmark card.I don't think they make those.
8.
I know. I was just trying to be nice.Good for you. Two points.
9.
That's another thing... what's the deal with the "points system?"It was started as a random game with some of my old friends from KU. Whenever one of us said something cool, we would give that person an appropriate amount of points. Whenever someone said something stupid, or whenever a certain Cubano-American friend of mine from Wichita said anything at all whatsoever (you know who you are, and minus eleventy billion points because I know you're going to do that whole "awwwwww" thing when I do it) , we would take points away from them. That's pretty much it.
10.
Seriously, who is Steve?"Steve" is just my current perseverative catch phrase. For a long time it was "death". I think Steve is a bit better. In a lot of ways, I really mean "death" when I say "Steve", except "Steve" is a lot more fun to say.
Seriously, I think it's the funniest name in the English language. It always throws people off when they say hello to me and I say "Hi Steve" back at them. Well, except when they're actually named Steve. Then they're just like "Wow, he remembered my name!" when in reality I didn't really remember their name at all and I thought they were named something like "Ted" or "Walter".
11
. Why do you like to make people feel uncomfortable?Because there really isn't a sight on this world funnier than the look people get on their faces when I ask them to try and imagine what it sounds like to throw a baby through a stain-glass window.
12.
You're a freak.So are the evil clowns who are about to eat you.
13.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!Yes, it's the first letter in the alphabet. That's not really a question, though.
----------------------------
For you, O faithful reader who hath trekked to the end of this incredibly absurd and tasteless post, I offer you this opportunity: The next FAQ post will be me answering YOUR questions -ANY QUESTIONS - from the comments section.
That's right. Me making up questions to answer gets too creepy and weird, and I just end up feeding imaginary people to the evil clowns. So if you guys want to, go ahead and ask me questions - and I mean ANYTHING - and I'll answer it (within reason) one week from today.
Why am I doing this?
Because I freakin' need some kind of amusing distraction from my work. That's why.
Ok, so ask away. Remember, this can be
anything about the brain that I've been studying, random antagonistic questions, or suggestions.
Fair warning: I reserve the right to be a dick when answering. ;)
