Insomnia
I just can't get my mind to shut down.
I hate it when this happens.
The reticular activating system in my brain is pumping tons of juice from the medulla up to my higher cortical areas, producing an excessive stimulation in the prefrontal cortex, whereas my limbic system is screaming at me that my body needs to rest. The result: Exhaustion, yet the inability to deactivate my higher brain functions. In layterms, insomnia.
Probable cause? Caffeine-induced stimulation of the RAS, resulting in the excessive stimulation of the higher cortical areas.
Treatment? Patience and indulgence. Patience for the effect to wear out. Indulgence of the over-stimulation, in this case, by writing about it.
Well, caffeine may only be ONE reason I'm having trouble sleeping.
It's been a long semester, and it's finally almost over. Just a few more yards to the finish line, and then it's over.
Then I can rest.
For a while.
But for now I will lay down and sleep here, surrounded by my little plastic monsters, haunted by images of the thousands of things that have yet to be done.
Has anyone ever asked you what your dreams are? You know, the part where you answer them by saying you've always wanted to be a rock star or a famous actor or something else cookie-cutter, mundane, and horribly solipsistic? The thing that so many young people piss their lives away while chasing after, yet never really get hold of? Yeah, that thing... that dream thing?
You wanna know what my answer is?
I dream of two things.
Here's the second one.
I want to be completely alone.
Asleep.
At peace.
With a still, silent mind.
No thoughts.
No dreams.
Just silence.
Blessed, beautiful, tranquil silence.
No thought. No sensation. Just peace.
That's what I dream of. A deep, restful, dreamless sleep.
"Oh, what a boring and bland answer!"
It's only boring to you, then. You obviously take for granted something I don't often get the chance to enjoy.
No, caffeine isn't the only reason I have trouble sleeping. It just exacerbates the problem every now and then.
Sometimes it's like having a T.V. on in your head that you just can't shut off. You wish you could, but you just can't stop watching no matter how badly you want to.
You feel like you're dreaming when you're awake, and you're always wide awake when you want to be asleep. And there is never any silence. Ever.
Insomnia.
Caused by... well... you know what.
I always wondered why they called it a "deficit"... it seems more like an "overabundance" to me sometimes. Like I can't help but pay attention to absolutely everything.
But that's just a fact of life for me. The constant processing, that is. No, it's never quiet in here. It never has been.
I long to find out what silence is like.
But remember, that's just the second thing I dream about...
I hate it when this happens.
The reticular activating system in my brain is pumping tons of juice from the medulla up to my higher cortical areas, producing an excessive stimulation in the prefrontal cortex, whereas my limbic system is screaming at me that my body needs to rest. The result: Exhaustion, yet the inability to deactivate my higher brain functions. In layterms, insomnia.
Probable cause? Caffeine-induced stimulation of the RAS, resulting in the excessive stimulation of the higher cortical areas.
Treatment? Patience and indulgence. Patience for the effect to wear out. Indulgence of the over-stimulation, in this case, by writing about it.
Well, caffeine may only be ONE reason I'm having trouble sleeping.
It's been a long semester, and it's finally almost over. Just a few more yards to the finish line, and then it's over.
Then I can rest.
For a while.
But for now I will lay down and sleep here, surrounded by my little plastic monsters, haunted by images of the thousands of things that have yet to be done.
Has anyone ever asked you what your dreams are? You know, the part where you answer them by saying you've always wanted to be a rock star or a famous actor or something else cookie-cutter, mundane, and horribly solipsistic? The thing that so many young people piss their lives away while chasing after, yet never really get hold of? Yeah, that thing... that dream thing?
You wanna know what my answer is?
I dream of two things.
Here's the second one.
I want to be completely alone.
Asleep.
At peace.
With a still, silent mind.
No thoughts.
No dreams.
Just silence.
Blessed, beautiful, tranquil silence.
No thought. No sensation. Just peace.
That's what I dream of. A deep, restful, dreamless sleep.
"Oh, what a boring and bland answer!"
It's only boring to you, then. You obviously take for granted something I don't often get the chance to enjoy.
No, caffeine isn't the only reason I have trouble sleeping. It just exacerbates the problem every now and then.
Sometimes it's like having a T.V. on in your head that you just can't shut off. You wish you could, but you just can't stop watching no matter how badly you want to.
You feel like you're dreaming when you're awake, and you're always wide awake when you want to be asleep. And there is never any silence. Ever.
Insomnia.
Caused by... well... you know what.
I always wondered why they called it a "deficit"... it seems more like an "overabundance" to me sometimes. Like I can't help but pay attention to absolutely everything.
But that's just a fact of life for me. The constant processing, that is. No, it's never quiet in here. It never has been.
I long to find out what silence is like.
But remember, that's just the second thing I dream about...
posted by Raoul The Destroyer at 2:01 AM
7 Comments:
Insomnia just bc it's 2 am? hehe... try 5 o'clock... that'd be me.
Anyways, if I didn't know you just wanted to fall sleep, I'd sign you up for a Zen Buddist monastery : ) ! your poetic description of sleep sounds SO much like Nirvana to me... hehe... I get high on sleeplessness too.
hope you get some sleep tonight : )
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Oh, trust me Val... at times the concept of Nirvana is tempting. But that's not exactly what I'm gunning for here. Once again, this is just the SECOND thing I dream about... ;)
And will you tell us what other thing you dream of? : )
Soon...
Thought of your desire for silence and stillness, man...sounds a lot like the goal of Orthodox Christians, both monastics and no...I wrote a li'l somethin' 'bout it here.
Sorry to hear this is still buggin' you...
Your buddy from high school, David Bryan
DB - Oh, it's something I will just have to manage for the rest of my life. You get used to it, but sometimes it gets to you.
And yes, the desire for stillness is a beautiful theme in Christianity... I especially love the words Jesus gave us on the topic: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you."
I believe that can be found in the discussion with the disciples in John chapters 14-17. Good stuff.
Oh, and Paul had some awesome comments on peace as well... oddly enough, I can't remember the specific quotes for the life of me right now, but I do recall that they emphasized the importance of having the peace of Christ.
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