Why I did NOT get up at 8:00 A.M. This morning
I went to bed around 12:40. It was hot. Really hot. I tossed. I turned. Too hot. Can't sleep.
Well, there's a window. Let's open that. I got up, shuffled over to it, and opened it up.
That helped a bit, but there wasn't much circulation in the room. Dang, I wish I had a fan.
I tossed. I turned. Hot, but not so bad. I started to drift.
Then, the neighbors turned on their radio. At. Two. In. The. Morning.
Vile things entered my mind. I pictured myself eating their hearts, turning off the radio, and falling asleep blisfully. Then I remembered that murder was illegal, among other things, so I would probably have to find another way to resolve the problem.
It came down to the choice of trying to habituate to the music or shutting the window. I figured I could just pluck up and deal with it. I continued to try and sleep, and began to doze.
Then I heard the flute.
No, really.
Some stupid bastard was practicing the flute. At. Three. In. The. Morning.
Images of the flute shoved up a certain orifice crept in to my head. I seriously had murder on my mind. Who wouldn't? I mean, come on. Who the hell practices a flute at THREE A.M.?!?
I made a quick calculation in my mind regarding the distance of the sound of the flute to my currrent position. It was much, much too far away to get up and go kill the midnight flautist. I had no choice but to shut the window.
Then it got hot. Again. Really hot.
I tossed. I turned. But I couldn't hear the flute any more, and that made me happy. I still wish that I had a fan, though. I contorted into some absurd position and started to doze.
Then the sky started to get light. And the birds noticed. Especially the really, really, really loud one just outside my window. It decided to start singing to everyone and everything that it was the early bird and it was going to get the worm. In. Loud. Piercing. Squaks.
Right. Outside. The. Window.
That didn't last long. I got up and bolted outside in my boxers (and in the red haze of bloodlust) and chased off the stupid bird.
It felt so cool outside. I wanted to fall asleep on the pavement. But I didn't. It was too hard. And I wanted something soft.
I stormed back inside. Freaking hot. I wish I had a flipping fan.
Just as I was about to lie back down, I noticed that not two feet from my pillow was an oscillating fan.
It had been sitting right there the entire time.
I felt a combination of rage and stupidity mixed with relief. I plugged the fan in, and collapsed.
It was now about four in the morning.
I think I finally fell asleep around five.
Well, there's a window. Let's open that. I got up, shuffled over to it, and opened it up.
That helped a bit, but there wasn't much circulation in the room. Dang, I wish I had a fan.
I tossed. I turned. Hot, but not so bad. I started to drift.
Then, the neighbors turned on their radio. At. Two. In. The. Morning.
Vile things entered my mind. I pictured myself eating their hearts, turning off the radio, and falling asleep blisfully. Then I remembered that murder was illegal, among other things, so I would probably have to find another way to resolve the problem.
It came down to the choice of trying to habituate to the music or shutting the window. I figured I could just pluck up and deal with it. I continued to try and sleep, and began to doze.
Then I heard the flute.
No, really.
Some stupid bastard was practicing the flute. At. Three. In. The. Morning.
Images of the flute shoved up a certain orifice crept in to my head. I seriously had murder on my mind. Who wouldn't? I mean, come on. Who the hell practices a flute at THREE A.M.?!?
I made a quick calculation in my mind regarding the distance of the sound of the flute to my currrent position. It was much, much too far away to get up and go kill the midnight flautist. I had no choice but to shut the window.
Then it got hot. Again. Really hot.
I tossed. I turned. But I couldn't hear the flute any more, and that made me happy. I still wish that I had a fan, though. I contorted into some absurd position and started to doze.
Then the sky started to get light. And the birds noticed. Especially the really, really, really loud one just outside my window. It decided to start singing to everyone and everything that it was the early bird and it was going to get the worm. In. Loud. Piercing. Squaks.
Right. Outside. The. Window.
That didn't last long. I got up and bolted outside in my boxers (and in the red haze of bloodlust) and chased off the stupid bird.
It felt so cool outside. I wanted to fall asleep on the pavement. But I didn't. It was too hard. And I wanted something soft.
I stormed back inside. Freaking hot. I wish I had a flipping fan.
Just as I was about to lie back down, I noticed that not two feet from my pillow was an oscillating fan.
It had been sitting right there the entire time.
I felt a combination of rage and stupidity mixed with relief. I plugged the fan in, and collapsed.
It was now about four in the morning.
I think I finally fell asleep around five.
posted by Raoul The Destroyer at 12:00 AM
5 Comments:
hahahahahahaha!
okay, now that i got that out of my system...
i can feel your pain. no, really. try attempting to fall asleep in the middle of the day... amidst lawn mowers, car horns, dogs barking, neighbors radios, and really really loud annoying birds, all with the sun in full blaze. takes a little while to get used to. you have my sympathies friend.
My apartment complex just opened the pool last week. The pool is right outside our apartment. We already have obnoxious unsupervised screaming kids playing in the pool, and we have all summer to deal with it.
Did you feel like you were having a "BLONDE" moment with the finding of the fan that was conveniently placed beside your bed????
scoville - that's teh suck. You should attack the kids' weak points for MASSIVE DAMAGE!
Tracey - I would just like to point out that I haven't made any blonde jokes on this website... well, EVER. That I can think of. So there.
I wasn't implying that you had made any BLONDE jokes... I just had a BLONDE week where everything that happened to me was similar to the being hot and dreaming of a fan and after several hours finding a fan... next to the bed... that would be considered a BLONDE moment... :)
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